A / B

From Cosmetic surgery procedures to ’how to kill a shark’, conversations on the bus are like no other. I am convinced that if you collected all the people from the buses and tipped everything out of their brains, you would find the secrets of the universe.

Take this one:

A: “–My wife and I are having problems–I’m not quite–no–maybe I shouldn’t talk about this on a bus–”

B: “Don’t be ridiculous, nobody’s listening. If they are then I doubt it’s that interesting.”

I lost interest.

A: “No–But that’s the thing–It is interesting–Interesting and–”

B: “Yes?”

A: “–Wrong–”

I regained interest massively.

B: “So what is it?”

Some minutes of coaxing appear to prove fruitless, until finally A is worn down and gives in.

A: “My wife says I have found the Z spot–”

B: “–You what A?”

A: “I know–I didn’t have a bloody clue either–”

At this point my curiosity threatened to punch them both in the head.

B: “So what do you mean then, precisely?”

A: “Well–she says that it’s the opposite of the G spot–”

Silence for some time.

A: “Is that bad?”

B: “Um–It’s not really good”.

A: “I knew it. Our marriage is doomed”.

B’s silence seems to confirm this. But when he says, “I have a confession”, A’s head turns so abruptly that I almost get caught watching.

A: “Go on–what is it?”

B: “It’s as bad as you is what it is. My wife says I can find the Z spot too–I used to think she was making it up–but this–this proves it”.

And there it is, oh dear.